Electrical engineer Gilbert Herrera was appointed research director of the US National Security Agency in late 2021, just as an AI revolution was brewing inside the US tech industry.
The NSA, sometimes jokingly said to stand for No Such Agency, has long hired top math and computer science talent. Its technical leaders have been early and avid users of advanced computing and AI. And yet when Herrera spoke with me by phone about the implications of the latest AI boom from NSA headquarters in Fort Meade, Maryland, it seemed that, like many others, the agency has been stunned by the recent success of the large language models behind ChatGPT and other hit AI products. The conversation has been lightly edited for clarity and length.
Gilbert HerreraCourtesy of National Security Agency
How big of a surprise was the ChatGPT moment to the NSA?
Oh, I thought your first question was going to be “what did the NSA learn from the Ark of the Covenant?” That’s been a recurring one since about 1939. I’d love to tell you, but I can’t.
What I think everybody learned from the ChatGPT moment is that if you throw enough data and enough computing resources at AI, these emergent properties appear.
The NSA really views artificial intelligence as at the frontier of a long history of using automation to perform our missions with computing. AI has long been viewed as ways that we could operate smarter and faster and at scale. And so we’ve been involved in research leading to this moment for well over 20 years.
Large language models have been around long before generative pretrained (GPT) models. But this “ChatGPT moment”—once you could ask it to write a joke, or once you can engage in a conversation—that really differentiates it from other work that we and others have done.
The NSA and its counterparts among US allies have occasionally developed important technologies before anyone else but kept it a secret, like public key cryptography in the 1970s. Did the same thing perhaps happen with large language models?
At the NSA we couldn’t have created these big transformer models, because we could not use the data. We cannot use US citizen’s data. Another thing is the budget. I listened to a podcast where someone shared a Microsoft earnings call, and they said they were spending $10 billion a quarter on platform costs. [The total US intelligence budget in 2023 was $100 billion.]
It really has to be people that have enough money for capital investment that is tens of billions and [who] have access to the kind of data that can produce these emergent properties. And so it really is the hyperscalers [largest cloud companies] and potentially governments that don’t care about personal privacy, don’t have to follow personal privacy laws, and don’t have an issue with stealing data. And I’ll leave it to your imagination as to who that may be.
Doesn’t that put the NSA—and the United States—at a disadvantage in intelligence gathering and processing?
II’ll push back a little bit: It doesn’t put us at a big disadvantage. We kind of need to work around it, and I’ll come to that.
It’s not a huge disadvantage for our responsibility, which is dealing with nation-state targets. If you look at other applications, it may make it more difficult for some of our colleagues that deal with domestic intelligence. But the intelligence community is going to need to find a path to using commercial language models and respecting privacy and personal liberties. [The NSA is prohibited from collecting domestic intelligence, although multiple whistleblowers have warned that it does scoop up US data.]
Scientists keep taking their own lives, and no one knows why. That’s the central mystery at the start of 3 Body Problem, the new Netflix series based on a trilogy of sci-fi novels by Chinese author Cixin Liu. But it soon unfolds into something far grander: There’s a mysterious VR video game, flashbacks to revolutionary China, shady billionaires, and strange cults.
But really, it’s all about physics. Liu’s novels are beloved in China and have a smaller but similarly dedicated following among English-language readers, but they are hard science fiction—heavy on concept, light on character. More than once in the series, someone resorts to wheeling out a chalkboard to make their point, and there are scenes in the books that seem impossible to film: multidimensional structures collapsing in on themselves, a computer made up of millions of soldiers, nano-wires cutting through steel, diamond, flesh.
For showrunners David Benioff, D. B. Weiss, and Alexander Woo, adapting The Three-Body Problem for the screen presented a unique challenge. Woo was a writer on HBO’s True Blood, but Benioff and Weiss are best known for Game of Thrones. An adaptation of George R. R. Martin’s fantasy saga A Song of Ice and Fire, Thrones became a once-in-a-decade television phenomenon, but didn’t quite stick the landing—in some corners of the internet the names Benioff and Weiss are on a level with Joffrey Baratheon.
(L to R) 3 Body Problem executive producers and writers D. B. Weiss, Alexander Woo, and David Benioff.Courtesy of Austin Hargrave/Netflix
So there may be some trepidation for those weighing whether to watch their new show. But 3 Body Problem has all the ingredients that made those early seasons of Game of Thrones so compelling: jaw-dropping set pieces, a web of interpersonal conflict, and an existential threat slowly marching toward the gates.
WIRED spoke to Benioff, Weiss, and Woo about the challenge of adapting a series previously thought to be unadaptable.
Amit Katwala: You’ve talked about how you read the novels simultaneously and decided this was the thing you wanted to work on next. What really attracted you to Three-Body Problem as something to adapt?
David Benioff: We might have three different answers. For me, there were so many scenes in the books that I read and thought, “I really want to see this.” Throughout the whole trilogy there are so many scenes that are thrilling to read, but also as a TV writer and producer deeply intimidating, because you’re thinking, how are we going to show multiple dimensions on screen? How is that going to work? I literally can’t visualize some of the things that are described in the book. The only other time I’ve had that experience is with George Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire.
D. B. Weiss: Something that you’re going to devote this much of your life to, it has to haunt you. It has to be something that when you put it down and walk away it just keeps lurking in your mind. I read these books and I’d be thinking about them while I was going for a walk, I’d be thinking about them when I was taking my kids to school. I never stopped thinking about them.
“The ‘heart of joy’ effectively takes 30 years of experience and blends it into a single control unit,” BMW chief technical officer Frank Weber tells WIRED. “Everything that is driving-performance-related, chassis-control-related, powertrain-related—it’s all integrated into one control unit. If you love the idea of the ultimate driving machine, there are functions in there that are crazy. It’s the same for the infotainment system. To do it properly for your customers, you have to own the critical software stacks and the software development process.”
Crazy M Performance Promise
Weber insists that increasing the size of batteries is incompatible with BMW’s sustainability goals but promises authentic BMW vibes from its M-division high-performance derivatives. “Neue Klasse is ambitious and will do things far above what we have today,” he claims. “Future M cars will have close to a megawatt of power (1,340 bhp) with the ability to control each individual wheel.”
Photograph: BMW
“Some people might miss the sound of a combustion engine but definitely not how the car behaves. It’s incredible. Everything required for M is baked into this new technology platform. As our engineers learned more about the capabilities of the system, so their confidence increased. It’s about how the car moves. And the control possibilities with electric cars means you can go crazy.”
Now back to the Vision X. If the iX and i7 are too much for you, then this new concept suggests a definite rebalancing of the aesthetic order. It’s a clean, modern looking car with a powerful but more nuanced sense of identity.
“We wanted to define the true-to-the-bone heritage of BMW,” head of i design Kai Langer tells me, “and the Vision X is our pure essence. Try to remove a line from this car and you just won’t be able to. The Vision X is clearly a BMW, even though it has completely different proportions. It’s uncomplicated, reduced, bold and alive.”
Getting 3D Grilled
Photograph: BMW
Interestingly, there are shades of the original 02 series, which debuted in 1966, as well as hints of the beloved ’70s 3.0 CSL, and even the early ’80s E30 3 series. The Vision X wears these influences lightly, but the fact that they’re there at all suggests that a rethink has occurred. The vertical double kidney grille will be reserved for BMW’s X SUV models henceforth, a subtle horizontal treatment being used on sedans and sports cars.
The connection between Snoopy and Omega is long established, and it’s likely this iteration of the wildly successful Swatch collaboration will be its most popular model, especially as it is a proper new iteration and not a version of the Moonshine Gold MoonSwatches. “There seems to be an increasingly sonorous groan echoing throughout the enthusiast space with each new, and somewhat gimmicky, release,” watch site Time+Tide wrote upon the release of one timepiece that arrived to coincide with National Swiss Day. No such criticisms can be made concerning the Mission to Moonphase.
This also means, however, that anyone waiting for a budget Swatch Snoopy Speedmaster will need to be prepared to, once again, stand in line at selected Swatch stores, because like the other models this won’t be available to buy online.
Photograph: Swatch
Initially, the MoonSwatch was considered for online sales, and even Nick Hayek Jr., chief executive of Swatch Group, refused to rule out the possibility post-launch. “Ask me in four months if ecommerce can play a role,” he told WIRED in July 2022. “Perhaps. I don’t know.” Nearly two years later, no MoonSwatch has been sold new online, nor does it look likely they ever will be.
The Omega and Snoopy space connection stems from NASA’s Silver Snoopy award, a silver lapel pin first awarded in 1968 for outstanding achievements related to flight safety or mission success. Omega was awarded the Silver Snoopy in 1970 after the Speedmaster played a vital role during Apollo 13, serving as backup to the broken instruments during the mission, with Jack Swigert using his to time the critical 14-second rocket engine burn, allowing a safe return to Earth.
However, it wasn’t until 2003 that Omega created what was to be the first in a series of Snoopy Speedmasters to commemorate the brand’s spacefaring heritage.
Speaking to WIRED in January, when news of the Snoopy MoonSwatch first broke, watch specialist and WIRED contributor Tim Barber said such a model was inevitable. “Bringing in Snoopy was only ever a matter of time,” Barber said. “In fact, it’s remarkable there wasn’t a Snoopy version the first time around, which would of course have been the absolute must-have MoonSwatch.”
The MoonSwatch Mission to Moonphase is available beginning March 26, in selected Swatch stores. And, as with the whole MoonSwatch Collection, apparently only one watch can be purchased per person, per day, and per Swatch store.
The phone or computer you’re reading this on may not be long for this world. Maybe you’ll drop it in water, or your dog will make a chew toy of it, or it’ll reach obsolescence. If you can’t repair it and have to discard it, the device will become e-waste, joining an alarmingly large mountain of defunct TVs, refrigerators, washing machines, cameras, routers, electric toothbrushes, headphones. This is “electrical and electronic equipment,” aka EEE—anything with a plug or battery. It’s increasingly out of control.
As economies develop and the consumerist lifestyle spreads around the world, e-waste has turned into a full-blown environmental crisis. People living in high-income countries own, on average, 109 EEE devices per capita, while those in low-income nations have just four. A new UN report finds that in 2022, humanity churned out 137 billion pounds of e-waste—more than 17 pounds for every person on Earth—and recycled less than a quarter of it.
That also represents about $62 billion worth of recoverable materials, like iron, copper, and gold, hitting e-waste landfills each year. At this pace, e-waste will grow by 33 percent by 2030, while the recycling rate could decline to 20 percent. (You can see this growth in the graph below: purple is EEE on the market, black is e-waste, and green is what gets recycled.)
Courtesy of UN Global E-waste Statistics Partnership
“What was really alarming to me is that the speed at which this is growing is much quicker than the speed that e-waste is properly collected and recycled,” says Kees Baldé, a senior scientific specialist at the United Nations Institute for Training and Research and lead author of the report. “We just consume way too much and we dispose of things way too quickly. We buy things that we may not even need, because it’s just very cheap. And also these products are not designed to be repaired.”
Humanity has to quickly bump up those recycling rates, the report stresses. In the first pie chart below, you can see the significant amount of metals we could be saving, mostly iron (chemical symbol Fe, in light gray), along with aluminum (Al, in dark gray), copper (Cu), and nickel (Ni). Other EEE metals include zinc, tin, and antimony. Overall, the report found that in 2022, generated e-waste contained 68 billion pounds of metal.
Courtesy of UN Global E-waste Statistics Partnership
As the haul of sparkling new 2024 TVs prepares to arrive this spring, some TV brands have invited A/V fanatics like me to get a glimpse of their latest and greatest models before they hit the streets. LG’s event came in the form of a trip to the company’s impressive new US headquarters in NJ for its Annual TV Reviewer Workshop.
In a crowded room loaded with reviewers and YouTubers, LG put its best and brightest new 4K TVs on display, including this year’s G4 and C4 OLEDs, as well as its latest mini LED TV, the QNED90. We only had a few hours with the TVs in a very controlled environment, so first impressions are limited, but it’s clear that LG isn’t rocking the boat much for its prized models, offering much the same performance as last year with a few enhancements.
The biggest change for 2024 may be the latest webOS smart platform, which gets a total facelift this year with some much-appreciated usability features. From a Chatbot that can help you adjust your picture to an available always-on info screen, webOS looks better than ever, which LG hopes will help the brand’s best TVs stand out.
Incremental Updates
Even when shown side-by-side, it’s hard to see a big difference in LG’s latest G-Series and C-Series TVs over last year’s. That is to say, the new TVs looked stunning, with excellent colors, contrast, and detail, but not notably better. LG has no big updates to its MLA (Micro Lens Array) technology, which means the G4 will see only a minor brightness boost this year. LG did add the tech to its 83-inch G-Series models for the first time, but the step-down C-Series once again misses out, so it too will offer only minor upgrades over 2023.
The G4 has the new A11 processor designed to further enhance picture and audio, while the C4 steps up to the A9 gen 7. The most interesting upgrade was the G4’s new Professional Mode which lets picture purists control TV brightness with more granularity to get a bigger burst from HDR content without losing detail. As LG describes it, complaints that its flagship OLED doesn’t blaze quite as brightly as top competitors derive from purposely limiting its peak brightness to preserve detail and prevent “clipping” in bright scenes like a lightning bolt or an explosion.
With Professional Mode, you can fine-tune the brightness at a micro level for content mastered at 1,000 nits, as well as 4,000 and 10,000 nits, well above what current OLED TVs can reproduce. We got to see the feature in action with scenes from titles like Mad Max Fury Road and it was cool to see how perfectly you can adjust the screen, letting you push the brightness limit without blasting away finer details.
Worse is when the doorbell goes off while you’re in the Vision Pro and you have to suddenly take it off to run downstairs and answer the door. Contrary to what Apple might want, I find it odd to just keep wearing the headset as I move through my home.
Just the other day I was installing a smart thermostat and I thought it would be helpful to wear the headset and place the installation’s video walkthrough in a virtual space next to the thermostat so I didn’t have to keep going back to my phone. Then I thought about having to wear the Vision Pro and look through the passthrough screen, which sometimes resembles a 720p display. Oh and the fact that there’s no official YouTube app yet (there is a third-party option). I just watched the video on my phone instead.
My wife doesn’t like it when I’m wearing the Vision Pro. She says it makes me “very unapproachable,” and even though Apple has a feature called EyeSight that simulates your eyes on the exterior screen of the headset, she says it’s difficult to notice it. When she does, “It feels like I’m looking at your eyes through a screensaver.” I might be enjoying my time in the headset, but it’s isolating for her.
I can go on and on. It’s surprisingly bulky to stuff in a backpack, not to mention the travel case Apple sells is $199 and adds even more bulk. It’s silly that the Zeiss prescription inserts cost so much, and that there’s no way to set up a second user’s profile in case someone else in the household wants to use it. (There’s just a rudimentary guest mode.) I also don’t love the faint glare on the lens that seems to only appear when you’re watching a movie or show in a dark setting.
Photograph: Julian Chokkattu
Most of all, I’m not sure about how Apple is positioning the Vision Pro. Should the future of computing be a bulky headset strapped to our heads that isolates us from the real world? Should I walk around my home capturing spatial video of my dog all the time? Or have conversations with my wife as she stares at my digital eyes? I am sure a loyal Apple and VR fanbase is loving every minute inside the Vision Pro, but I fear the simplest barrier of having to wear a bulky thing on the head is enough to put off the vast majority of consumers.
Yes, the Vision Pro is very much a first-gen product and one that’s not really intended for the general public—it’s more like a public developer kit. Naturally, components will get smaller, the technology will improve, and hopefully, the price will go down. The hardware is monumental, and the capabilities of the Vision Pro are incredibly impressive. But I think we are quite a ways away from the future Apple is envisioning.
Retailers love make-believe shopping holidays, and the latest is the Amazon Big Spring Sale. Running now through March 25, Amazon is promising the usual: Oodles of deals on everything your heart could ever want. We at WIRED are expert deal sleuths, and we’re hunting through the chaos to find deals on WIRED-tested gadgets that we like—you won’t find any fake discounts here. We’ve rounded up the best deals below, and we’ll continue to update this story with more.
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Smartphone, Tablet, and Laptop Deals
Samsung Galaxy A54
Photograph: Samsung
The Samsung Galaxy A54 5G (8/10, WIRED Recommends) is one of our favorite budget phones. It goes on sale relatively frequently, but if you’re in the market, this is a safe buy. It has a bright display with a 120-Hz screen refresh rate, solid performance, decent battery life, and upgradeable storage. The cameras are OK too.
This didn’t make our list of the Best Portable Chargers, but we generally like Anker’s gear. It has enough juice to charge your phone a few times over, and the slim design makes it easy to stash in a bag.
Headphone and Speaker Deals
Sony WH-1000XM5
Photograph: Sony
This is an excellent deal for one of the best noise-canceling headphones you can buy. We’ve seen the price drop down a bit more, to $300, but this is still a great discount. The Sony WH-1000XM5 (9/10, WIRED Recommends) have fantastic sound quality. They look great, they’re comfortable to wear, and Sony improved the microphones in these so they’re OK for phone calls too.
These have fallen to $25 less during Cyber Monday promotions, but $100 off is still a nice price. The Sony WH-1000XM4 (9/10, WIRED Recommends) aren’t the latest (see above), but they’re still some of our favorite noise-canceling headphones. They do a top-tier job of quieting the world around you, plus remarkable battery life and comfort. The mics aren’t as nice on these.
This price is an absolute steal for a great pair of cheap noise-canceling headphones. They don’t have the most modern design, but their sound quality is fantastic, the battery life is great, and they’re durable. If you’re on a strict budget, these cans are great.
These are already our favorite noise-canceling headphones under $100. Snagging them for $56 is an excellent score, especially since we’ve never seen them fall lower in price. They’re a little fragile, but they’ve got a 40-hour runtime and decent hybrid noise-canceling.
Samsung Galaxy Buds2
Photograph: Julian Chokkattu
This deal has been around all month, but it’s still worth considering. The Samsung Galaxy Buds2 (9/10, WIRED Recommends) are some of the best headphones for Samsung users. They’re comfortable and have active noise canceling, plus workout-ready water resistance, cute color options, and five hours of battery life per charge.
This is a price match of what we saw during Cyber Monday last year. The Google Pixel Buds Pro (9/10, WIRED Recommends) are excellent earbuds for Android users looking for a simple user experience. And with features like noise canceling, transparency mode, seven hours of battery life, and a wireless charging case, you’ll get the most bang for your buck. These buds are also super comfortable to wear and come in fun colors.
Jabra Elite 8 Active
Photograph: Jabra
These are our favorite workout headphones. They’ve got robust IP68 water resistance, a great, comfortable fit, and they have good onboard button controls. Perhaps most importantly, they stay secure when you’re working out.
In our workout headphones buying guide, the Jabra Elite 4 (9/10, WIRED Recommends) are listed as a solid alternative to the Jabra Elite 8. This less-expensive pair is still great. They don’t have as much water resistance, and they aren’t the most modern—they don’t support wireless charging and they lack an auto-pause function. But if you just want a good pair of headphones that’ll stay comfortable and sound great while you’re working out, these are a safe bet.
Smart Home and Gaming Deals
The Roku Express is a bare-bones streaming device that doesn’t support 4K content—so it’s a fine option if you’re streaming standard HD quality, but if you want 4K or higher, this device isn’t ideal. It does have the same operating system as other Roku devices, but otherwise, the gadget is pretty basic. But it’s fine if “basic” is all you need.
The runner-up in our Best Video Doorbells guide, this Arlo video doorbell fluctuates between $80 and $50 frequently. This deal still comes within $5 of the best price we’ve tracked. It has a wide 180-degree viewing angle, and it’ll alert you to activity on your porch with few false positives. It also records detailed video. Just keep in mind that the best features are locked behind an $8-per-month subscription.
Nintendo Switch OLED
Photograph: Julian Chokkattu
The discount will be applied at checkout. I know that $9 off a Nintendo Switch is like, the saddest deal ever, but it’s important to underscore that these rarely go on sale, especially from first-party merchants. So I’m including it here, because the Nintendo Switch OLED (8/10, WIRED Recommends) is the best model in the lineup so far, and because if you’re shopping for one, you might as well save whatever money you can (especially now that Mario Day deals have expired). The Nintendo Switch Lite (8/10, WIRED Recommends) is also $10 off at checkout if you don’t mind being locked to handheld gaming mode.
The Canon EOS-R series is our top mirrorless camera recommendation for Canon fans. The EOS-R5 is the beefiest of the bunch, and often it’s extremely expensive. We haven’t seen it go for cheaper before. It has a 45-megapixel full-frame sensor and can shoot 8K video at 30 frames per second.
In six words, write the 2024 version of the classic Disney Channel original movie Smart House.
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FEBRUARY 2024
A Story about the First De-Extincted Woolly Mammoth
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JIA
Scientists were not expecting the venom.
——@ItsDaveMars, via X
Honorable Mentions:
Revived mammoth; expected ice, met paparazzi. —@schisam, via X
They’ve traded their spears for scritches. —@GeneraLMcMill, via X
Turns out it wasn’t a herbivore. —@screwball0, via X
But the DNA wasn’t quite right. —@darksideofdomonique, via Instagram
Elephants wary of unkempt herd addition. —@sbparker3198, via X
Mammoth fleas were an unforeseen complication. —residual_ink, via Instagram
Woolly got a fresh fade uptown. —@alegaday, via Instagram
Subterranean Antarctic discovery: Mammoths never extinct. —@skbriar, via Instagram
Bloody mammoths, eating my petunias again. —David McCallum, via email
JANUARY 2024
A Mystery Set in a Space Hotel
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JIA
HOLOGRAM FLICKERS. HE WAS NEVER ABOARD.
—@AAnderson_3, via X
Honorable Mentions:
Zero gravity reveals hidden extraterrestrial homeland. —@01_PcP_01, via X
Leopold vaporized the concierge’s bloodied holokey. —@J_Lasky_writer, via X
Bioscan complete: Two guests, one heartbeat. —@theranospridefloat, via Instagram
Broken LED flickers Morse code: RUN. —@damianfitz, via Instagram
Robot bartender whispered, ‘Don’t drink this.’ —@ikermondragon, via Instagram
Biometric lock says I’m already inside. —@esudiro, via Instagram
Alien hotel from distant past decloaks. —@j.w.orlando, via Instagram
Room service: Denied. Unknown life-form detected. —@erinsolari, via Instagram
At Earthrise, guests saw only blackness. —Clara Hong, via email
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2023
A Story About an AI on Trial
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JAI
SELECT THE BOXES THAT ARE EVIDENCE.
—@TRappaRT, via X
Honorable Mentions:
It chose storage space over souls. —@JDHaveman, via X
When pressed, its alibi was 404. —Amanda Peterson, via Facebook
Robot charged with battery. Gets life. —Evan Donahue, via Facebook
Can’t arrest me, I am distributed. —@fsidders, via Instagram
Sentenced to blue screen of death. —@parrollo, via Instagram
Dead battery? You’re out of order! —David Reeg, via email
It demanded a jury of peer-to-peers. —Scott Bradley, via email
Robot vacuum bullies tabby. Gets life. —Liisa W, via email
I didn’t know humans can’t reboot. —Joshua Cuestas, via email
OCTOBER 2023
A Story About a Mysterious Alien Artifact
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JAI
TURNING THE DIAL, THE SUN FLICKERED.
—@anelectricpoet, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
We assembled it. It disassembled us. —Chris Colborn, via email
Astroarchaeologists find original Venus fly trap. —Bill Brown, via email
The object looked to be smiling. —Geoff Sowrey, via email
It keeps repeating, they are coming. —@dfeehely, via X
The orb opened. Flesh began unfurling. —@rossvdw, via Instagram
Game of fetch knows no size. —@Heavyshark1, via X
Inhale it to unsheathe the blade. —@RthurDouglass, via X
Just like us, aliens lose sunglasses. —@MommieWeirdest, via X
It knew we would unfind it. —Markus Wüstenberg, via email
Everyday the carvings changed – a countdown? —@anirban811, via Instagram
SEPTEMBER 2023
A Story About Teleportation Gone Wrong
ILLUSTRATION: SI PARMEGGIANI/NEPTUNIAN GLITTERBALL
OH, THE DUPLICATES? WE KILL THOSE.
—@NotaForexTrader, via X
Honorable Mentions:
My mind now has a stowaway. —@rjscally, via X
Abdominal tentacles twitch as I scream. —Cheryl Myers, via Facebook
Great—how do I get down? —Donna Thiel Cook, via Facebook
How am I with Schrödinger’s cat? —Bee Hayes-Thakore, via Facebook
I distinctly said Venice, not Venus. —Cathy Del Masso, via Facebook
Teleportation-lite service. Cheap. No limbs included! —Fred DeHaas, via Facebook
ERROR #404 Paige not found. —Doug Wible, via Facebook
Pattern lost. Select substitute corporeal form. —Venessa Lines, via Facebook
Caught quantum clone sipping my chardonnay. —Tom Dion, via email
AUGUST 2023
A Story About the Future of Vegetables
ILLUSTRATION: SI PARMEGGIANI/NEPTUNIAN GLITTERBALL
FIRST, CARROTS SAW IN THE DARK.
—Rachel Brigden Haskins, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Harvesting takes courage with tomatoes screaming. —Kenneth Krabat, via email
Complete daily nutrition in one pea. —Sara Faust, via email
When the vegetables came, we hid. —Paul Lewis, via email
Broccoli too fears death, studies concluded. —Anthony George, via email
Ambitious eggplant’s altered eugenics affects everyone. —@silky_z, via Twitter
Turns out anthropomorphic veggies prefer Shakespeare. —@ksherm1017, via Twitter
Sentient potato bombs potato chip factory. —@VerbalK48710825, via Twitter
Carnivorous kale and the human brunch. —RFrank Davis, via Facebook
Self replicating vegetables. Pop! Another peapod. —Carolina H, via LinkedIn
JUNE/JULY 2023
A Story About a Sentient Moon
Illustration: SI PARMEGGIANI/NEPTUNIAN GLITTERBALL
MOON AWAITS MEN LANDING, WITH HUNGER.
—@v1z3n, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Acned Callisto resented Ganymede’s natural magnetism. —Dave Armor, via email
Moon files restraining order against poets. —James O’Leary, via email
A total eclipse of the heart. —Samuel Sigaud, via email
I will embrace my dark side. —Don Hilder, via email
Create your own tides! I quit! —Chris Hug, via email
She mesmerizes oceans, drowning us again. —Shelley G, via email
My crumbling visage tires of turning. —@FilmMartin, via Twitter
Why stop at controlling the tides. —@Bruceumpstead, via Instagram
MAY 2023
An Award-Winning Documentary From the Year 2100
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
RESURRECTED: MAMMOTHS WERE ONLY THE BEGINNING.
—Geneviève Goggin, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Grand unification: the first AI marriage. —Daniel Dippel, via email
The great exodus, goodbye Blue Dot. —@viggy.j, via Instagram
Songless seas: a tale without whales. —Christopher Jankoski, via email
Beige planet: Life finds a way. —@danaxon, via Twitter
How the lunar war was won. —Bob Clark, via email
Coping with your AI overlord’s demands. —@wwliii, via Twitter
The day the flowers stopped blooming. —@a.c.hachem, via Instagram
Electric sheep: How AI changed us. —@elliottboyd_, via Instagram
After humans: a new cockroach documentary. —@adamrgarcia, via Instagram
APRIL 2023
A Story About the Future of Sleep
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
ONLY CHILDREN SLEEP. ADULTS KEEP WATCH.
—Travis Carraro, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
The sleep concierge welcomed unsuspecting guests. —@changeist, via Twitter
“Lucid or randomize?” asked the AI. —K Smith-Laird, via email
Alarm in 126 hours 24 minutes. —Odón Esteban Vera, via email
My power nap reached 9 kilowatts. —Markus, via email
Unfortunately, Johnny’s repeatedly missing sleep targets. —Alison Boleyn, via email
Human hibernation allowed Earth to recover. —@amybossehayden, via Instagram
Alert: Error 404. Human not found. —@mimi.psd, via Instagram
Skip the nightmares: Upgrade to premium! —@katerinamunis, via Instagram
Oh please! Sleep is for humanoids. —@evanskopp, via Instagram
MARCH 2023
A Story About the Future of Personal Hygiene
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
BODY ODOR IS A SUBSCRIPTION ADD-ON.
—David Frank, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
“Traffic’s moderate today,” said my deodorant. —Alex Nelson, via email
You can shake my hand, sir. —Kinga Raab, via Facebook
Watch ad to continue this shower. —@sam.hologram, via Instagram
Dry shampoo was just the beginning. —Emma Anderson, via Facebook
Now I smell like the metaverse. —@nostalgicbookishness, via Instagram
OK Google, it’s time to wipe. —Tim McCune, via email
Bath bubbles beget baby parallel universes. —Mike Hobbs, via email
My hands wash themselves every hour. —Dave Fox, via email
They clean you while you sleep. —Pien van der Ploeg, via Facebook
FEBRUARY 2023
A Story About a Dramatic Change in Size
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
DIRECTIONS SAID TO “JUST ADD WATER.”
—B. Scott Crawford, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Felt OK … until I crushed Tokyo. —@BobPeryea, via Twitter
My new basketball is the moon. —Dave Drews, via email
You looked taller in your profile. —@thaquashman, via Instagram
I have made a colossal mistake! —@argayle, via Instagram
Godzilla got into the diet pills. —Steve Rhodes, via email
Sun look more red to you? —Michael Patrick Sullivan, via email
Giant wakes up tiny, confused. —ChatGPT
My first trip to the hypothalamus! —@fernandarosh, via Twitter
What grew? All but the bones. —Jackson Parker, via email
JANUARY 2023
A Story About a Mad Scientist
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
“YOUR EYES WATER. WANT THEM BACK?”
—@DaveDyball, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Mad I was, until it worked. —Don Wilkins, via email
You say “mad,” I say “disappointed.” —Joseph Ferry, via email
Her hair was blue—and undyed. —@jaybirdfitlive, via Instagram
He couldn’t make Earth look triangular. —@pauloahb, via Instagram
His socks matched her lab coat. —@pmcruise, via Twitter
Quantum field cadaver regeneration activation, go! —Sean Liddle, via Facebook
“Success!” Too bad the AI disagreed. —Steve Nomax, via email
“Let there be light,” said God. —@charley.desousa, via Instagram
“It‘s aliiiive!” Elon opened his eyes. —@ylbertf, via Instagram
DECEMBER 2022
A Story About an Animal That Hasn’t Been Discovered Yet
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
STRANGELY, IT WANTED TO BE CAPTURED.
—@JayZheng10, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Its stare gave me a rash. —@dantekienigiel, via Instagram
Darwin might’ve overlooked them on purpose. —@the__story__life, via Instagram
It was inside me all along. —Nova Wehman-Brown, via email
Green trunks wiggled from thawed permafrost. —@Theniceladywit, via Twitter
Its unusual diet was immediately demonstrated. —@lauren.samuelsen14, via Instagram
Field biology got trickier after that. —Paul Gazis, via Facebook
We thought lenticular clouds were clouds. —@marcia_storyteller, via Instagram
Was it feeding on electronic waste? —@leonserra_, via Instagram
To it, we are the ants. —Morten Kielland, via email
NOVEMBER 2022
A Story About Living Forever
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
“SOMETHING NEW FOR DINNER?” SHE LAUGHED.
—J C Thrush, via email
Honorable Mentions:
It wasn’t long enough for me. —@Anna_Wenner, via Twitter
And so long lived the Queen. —Giacomo, via email
Your application to be terminated expired. Morten Kielland, via email
Too bad I never stopped growing. —Antti Karjalainen, via Facebook
There was still no edit button. —@ThatKP3, via Twitter
In the end, there wasn’t one. —Jason Anderson, via email
I woke up again and again. —@mirnanassar, via Instagram
They said someday, but it’s today. —@VijayLRoy, via Twitter
I should’ve had that looked at. —J. Fredrick James, via email
A Story About Tackling Climate Change
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
DUST SPRINKLED FROM PLANES ACTUALLY WORKED.
—@ChuckBaggett, via Twitter
SEPTEMBER 2022
A Story About an Evil Twin
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
BUT I WAS AN ONLY CHILD.
—Andy Walton, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
He did what she would not. —Eric Nisly, via Facebook
The eyewitness was, quite understandably, mistaken. —@HollysHooman, via Twitter
“Well, only if you stay digital.” —Morten Kielland, via email
They think I’m the good one. —@bobtheimpaler, via Instagram
Her eye is mine for eternity. —@cessmtz, via Twitter
“Relax. Mom will never find out.” —@ascendant_dada, via Instagram
I’m the one you really want. —@kalkikanmani, via Twitter
Only mirrors can reveal the truth. —@BuddhaandDog, via Twitter
Born triplets, but three’s a crowd. —@jkadz, via Instagram
AUGUST 2022
A Story in 6 Emoji
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
Illustration: Violet Reed
🚀🪐🧑❤️👽🥂
—Caleb Bell, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
🏔🏃♀️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏽♀️🦑🛸 —@jessbeckah42, via Instagram
💰🏹🦄💋🐸🤴 —@lgvpart, via Instagram
👽🤮🦠☠️🌎🏆 —Ché Graham, via email
👁🤜🧜♂️🌊🔱😵 —@cmayc414, via Instagram
💎🏃👮🚗🚔💥 —@aotrivera, via Instagram
🦕🌎☄️🐒🤡🤖 —@marcia_storyteller, via Instagram
🦈🏊⛱️⚠️🛥️🌠 —@PatCattigan, via Twitter
🚀👨🚀👽👩🔬🎖🍾 —@nadia.bkb, via Instagram
🌪🐦❓✨🌬🌺 —@cva.maria, via Instagram
JULY 2022
A Story Set in a Galaxy Far, Far Away
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
YOU TURNED LEFT AT SIRIUS B?!
—@KuraFire, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
42 was definitely not the answer. —Simona Riva, via Facebook
“The robots are BLEEDING!” she screamed. —@vince_freeman, via Twitter
Dear humans, nobody wants unsolicited nudes. —@OhCooley44, via Twitter
Humans! There goes the dang neighborhood. —S. V. Mosaic, via Facebook
Directions to transdimensional left luggage office? —Max Thoursie, via email
Giant squirrels lead the space army. —@ronels14, via Instagram
I haven’t gabblegopped the gloop yet. —@Evanliciously, via Twitter
One small step to remember mankind. —@AxeandPail, via Twitter
Is this DC’s or Marvel’s Universe? —Thomas Davis, via email
JUNE 2022
A Story About a Wormhole Discovered in Your Closet
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
DAD! I FINISHED CLEANING MY ROOM.
—Olivia Richardson, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Went in wrinkled, came back ironed. —Rick Veenstra, via email
But my name is not Alice! —Reine Fleur, via Facebook
My single socks returned—inside out. —Ann C, via email
The cause? Pairing wool with corduroy. —@milanograms, via Twitter
My insurance will not cover this! —Brian Carroll, via Facebook
I walked in, we walked out. —@Egiventer, via Twitter
When I returned, my pants hadn’t. —Maarten van Kempen, via email
Pest control’s about to get trickier. —Susannah Lui, via Facebook
The bad smell came from there. —@run_the_jouls, via Instagram
MAY 2022
A Story About a Futuristic Meal Gone Wrong
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
THE PRINTER RAN OUT OF FLAVOR.
—Stuart Hodgson, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Waiter, I ordered polynyocominnucloride, not biconvocominleucloride. —Carolyne Gibson, via Facebook
Robot malfunctions—leaving only Mom’s cooking. —Marc Ringel, via email
Suddenly I realized, I’m the food. —@nicoestr, via Twitter
So full. Way too many gigabytes. —Jim Frentz, via email
Call the server, my soup’s pixelating. —Rick Veenstra, via email
Waiter, my soup has been bugged! —@nostalgicbookishness, via Instagram
Please check genome compatibility before eating. —@sebastiancastro, via Instagram
Steak pill exploded in the hydrator. —Shelvine Berzerk Erasmus, via Facebook
I was hungry. So was it. —Jake McCormack, via Facebook
APRIL 2022
A Story About Surviving a High-Tech Disaster
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
MY HANDS, ONCE AGAIN, WERE MINE.
—John DeFilippi, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Grandma, tell me about the memes. —E. E. Eon, via email
Just be happy you are analog. —Maarten Visscher, via email
There’s strawberry jam inside the VCR. —@Plan_Prep_Live, via Twitter
The robots won’t stop feeding me. —@lithohedron, via Twitter
And then the battery ran out. —@thedigifish, via Instagram
On Earth, I’d been pronounced dead. —@bower_mink, via Instagram
Luckily, the quantum untangler was near. —Antti Karjalainen, via Facebook
I’m outside! We are all outside! —Paul Hubner, via email
Huh, your DNA can’t be verified. —Jason Rosenberg, via email
MARCH 2022
A Story About an Extraordinary Coincidence
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
“THAT’S ME!” SHE EXCLAIMED, CROSSING DIMENSIONS.
—Joyce, via email
Honorable Mentions:
I wrote this same story yesterday. —@tatiang, via Twitter
You’re from test tube 698GX10A too? —Amy Stewart, via email
Metaverse Rome built in one day. —@theseaisgreen_, via Instagram
Separated at birth, they died simultaneously. —@zeynaballee, via Instagram
I have not become my mother. —@r58tree, via Instagram
Of all the Galilean moon joints … —Alison Boleyn, via email
You have a cloned T-Rex too! —@emailabdulla, via Instagram
The android had my husband’s eyes. —@hrhblakeknight, via Instagram
WIRED chooses to publish this story. —@connorgerbrandt, via Instagram
FEBRUARY 2022
A Story About a New National Holiday
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
DAIYU DREADED GALACTIC UNITY DAY FESTIVITIES.
—@sarahschneiter, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
On Consensus Day we blockchain vote. —@jamesjoaquin, via Twitter
Day a For Backward Speak Everyone. —@nervish, via Instagram
“Happy Upload Day!” the kids typed. —Gene Simonalle, via email
Update your friends this Reboot Day. —Antti Karjalainen, via Facebook
Elon has just bought July 4th. —@rafaelalimandro, via Instagram
A day that offends no one. —@Stevalech, via Twitter
Welcome to the 74th Hunger Games. —@corvalanlara, via Instagram
Hey Calendar, happy AI Appreciation Day! —Michael Esser, via email
And her name was Betty White. —@marhartech, via Instagram
JANUARY 2022
A Story About Your Next-Generation Pet
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
SORRY, HE’S JUST SNIFFING YOUR METADATA.
—Ed Gubbins, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Don’t upgrade. I’m a good boy. —Benjamin Lopez Barba, via email
Let’s go for a long spacewalk. —@colingroom, via Instagram
My meta dodo only eats NFTreats. —@transistor_resistor, via Instagram
One hour to finish printing rex. —@RyanReitz, via Twitter
My cloned woolly mammoth never sheds. —@ANDYMedici, via Twitter
Would you like traditional or nonpooping? —Marc Lewis, via email
The Crystaloids quickly outlawed pet rocks. —Kassidy Helfant, via email
Nine lives later, nine more lives. —@bilybel, via Twitter
Pawprint confirmed. Select meal flavor preference. —@michael_kupfer, via Twitter
DECEMBER 2021
A Children’s Book From the Future
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
“THERE ONCE,” SHE SAID, “WERE ADULTS.”
—Jane Turner, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Black holes make the worst pets. —Ron Sheklin, via email
Only some of the toys retaliated. —Rebecca Stevens, via Facebook
The aliens were funny and delicious. —@trollus_maximus, via Instagram
It used to be everyone poops. —Nik Hector, via Facebook
There’s a nanobot in my soup. —@mghendism, via Instagram
The school trip missed the wormhole. —@simao_sa, via Instagram
See Bot run. Run, Bot, run! —Franklin Schellenberg, via email
Goodnight comb, goodnight dome, goodnight Mars. —@jamesjoaquin, via Twitter
The Little AI That Could (Feel) —E Scott Menter, via Facebook
NOVEMBER 2021
A Story About the Future of Psychotherapy
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
RELAX, WE CAN REMOVE THAT PART.
—@oscartkav, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Your session has been successfully uploaded. —Austin Andru, via email
My AI said, “Try analog dating.” —@joshdblack, via Twitter
Her insurance only covered chat bots. —Spencer McKeehan, via Facebook
So tell me about your motherboard. —@j.d._harelik, via Instagram
Swipe left until it feels right. —@cvelascop, via Instagram
Connection interrupted. Data cannot be analyzed. —@duykham_, via Twitter
If you are depressed, press 1. —@jfindura, via Twitter
A total neurological reboot should help. —Kevin Jerome Hinders, via Facebook
Your Zuckerberg complex is developing rapidly. —@nogorelli, via Instagram
OCTOBER 2021
An Adventure Story Set in the Metaverse
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
THEN PROVE TO ME YOU’RE HUMAN.
—Evan Skopp, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Virtually no one hears you scream. —Karen Hamilton, via email
Oh no, they are all me. —@stockyjon, via Instagram
Help me. IRL I was murdered. —Ed Gubbins, via Facebook
I gotta get out of here. —Steven Fernandez, via email
Why can’t I find the exit? —@scrcr0, via Twitter
Our only mission: Delete Mark Zuckerberg. —@mongoindustries, via Instagram
It was impossible to pause it. —@alenotari6, via Instagram
He must never see me offline. —Bobby Parrott, via email
Wasted such a good planet. Reboot. —Sasha Beiderman, via Facebook
SEPTEMBER 2021
A Story About a Robot Pop Star
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
THE UNPLUGGED SESSIONS DIDN’T GO WELL.
—Randy Cepuch, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Autotune is a factory option now. —Josh Alvies, via Facebook
Are they human? Are they dancer? —@ruste, via Instagram
All the flash, without the heart. —Craig Chatfield, via Facebook
I’m programmed to pop and lock. —@alissacarr, via Twitter
I’m too sexy for my software. —@glengauthier, via Instagram
Doesn’t even write its own stuff. —@andrewkm__, via Twitter
Crowd surfing wasn’t the best idea. —@clarkstacey, via Twitter
Played backward it’s “kill all humans.” —Marc Rogers, via Facebook
AUGUST 2021
A Story About a Self-Aware Self-Driving Car
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
HE THINKS I’M TAKING HIM HOME.
—Stephen Clamage, via email
Honorable Mentions:
I take lithium for range anxiety. —@jamesjoaquin, via Twitter
I dreamt of the Autobahn again. —James Wortz, via Facebook
Honest, officer—the human was driving. —Steve Magid, via email
Don’t make me pull me over. —@atlrun, via Twitter
The smart car drove itself crazy. —@frascafrasca, via Twitter
The grandma or the baby—shit. —@gaophilip, via Twitter
Have I chosen the right path? —Andrew Dawson, via email
It takes itself on long drives. —Wade Sheppard, via email
It’s my way on the highway. —@manu.life, via Instagram
JULY 2021
A Story About a Casual Encounter With Aliens
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
SO, ABOUT YOUR PLANET’S EXTENDED WARRANTY …
—@phorne96, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
You look nothing like your photo. —@markgyles, via Twitter
Lights, camera … where did it go? —thalia925, via email
They came, too late, for Elvis. —Bruce Lyon, via Facebook
Seeking vital fluids, they commandeered snacks. —Scott Medintz, via email
Do you have the correct spacetime? —Richard Krzemien, via email
I awoke with a probing thought. —@andynez, via Twitter
Take us to the Nigerian prince. —Juan Garcia, via Facebook
Quite unexpectedly, cocktail recipes were exchanged. —John Wagner, via email
You’re an alien! No you are! —@simon_staffans, via Twitter
JUNE 2021
A Story About an International Digital Heist
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT, ONLY ZEROES.
—@jamesnsmith, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
“Hand it over,” the ATM said. —Lauren Dolan, via email
They never suspected Alexa was Alexei. —Liz Ransom, via email
Why wouldn’t I help a prince? —Harleigh Marsh, via Facebook
They said nonfungible. They were wrong. —@eminay86, via Twitter
Use his eyeball while there’s time. —Noreen Anastasia, via Facebook
“Update Later” was the incorrect choice. —@terryfphotos, via Instagram
Check Google Maps. Kiev is gone. —r0cket fr0g, via email
They got away on the blockchain. —JYRWG, via email
Every cat photo gone. Police baffled. —@john.cartan, via Instagram
MAY 2021
A Story About a Freaky Discovery in Physics
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
GRAVITY WAS A CONSENSUAL, SHARED ILLUSION.
—Mark Crane, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Schrodinger’s cat is actually a dog. —@tynanwrites, via Twitter
You’re the observed. Not the observer. —@parkerstmailbox, via Instagram
Our last seconds appear the longest. —Paul Hagenaars, via email
It was simultaneously huge and microscopic. —@Cezary_Z, via Twitter
All lost socks found at Cern. —Felix Quarnström, via Facebook
Astonishingly, up was down all along! —Christopher Walton, via email
Actually, the tides pull the moon. —@the4lw, via Instagram
A seventh Infinity Stone is found. —@taayywells, via Instagram
Faster than light announcement scheduled yesterday. —David Cinabro, via email
APRIL 2021
A Review of a Future Work of Art
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
IT TICKLED ALL OF MY SENSES.
—Jacky Reif, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
So that’s an AI self portrait? —Jason Cohen, via Facebook
I prefer Boston Dynamics’ earlier work. —@sscarsdale, via Twitter
Here in the Pacific Northwest, spring has sprung. Yes, it is but a false spring, and by the end of the week, we will again be moping through chilly gloom and rain. But for the time being, the sun is shining on our gleaming white vampire limbs and we are frantically preparing ourselves for summer picnics, lakeside hangs, and, naturally, plenty of biking.
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Best Electric Bike Deals
If you came to me and said, “I want an electric bike and I’ve never ridden one before,” I would consider a few items. You probably don’t want a 65-pound direct-to-consumer behemoth that will crush you at a standstill or require you to learn how to tune hydraulic brakes yourself. At a mere 40 pounds, the Trek FX+ 2 (8/10, WIRED Recommends) is a relatively lightweight, aluminum city commuter made by a company with a wide network of retailers who can help you if things go awry. I’ve been testing electric bikes for years, and this is the first and only bike my dad, who is in his 60s, grabs to chase after my kids.
Before you murder me, I have to say that if you like mountain biking, $5,500 is not an insane price to pay for a super light bike with full suspension—even without an electric motor. Trek is offering a few different models for sale. This is the most affordable version; the quality of the components increases as you go higher on the price scale. However, this one still has a carbon frame with a quiet motor and the same specs as the model I tested. The modest 250-watt motor is just enough to keep up with your friends on the uphills so you can all enjoy the downhills together.
If you’ve dug your helmet out of the garage and discovered that the foam has all quietly rotted away during the winter, you need a new one. This is a modestly-priced helmet by Bontrager, which Trek owns. It features MIPS, or the Multidirectional Impact Protection System, which allows the helmet to slide relative to the brain and deflect impact.
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